Getting There is Half the Fun

Probably the biggest thing I have learned from my children is slowing down to notice the small things. They remind me to not rush through something to achieve the end result, but rather to enjoy each moment. Every day they take time to stop. They do not worry about time or the calendar or obligations. Yesterday was no different.

Our trip downtown to our local science center was a delightful mix of wandering and noticing. I try to take our local mass transit train(PhART) whenever I get the opportunity. Yes, it often takes longer. Yes, it can be crowded on the way home. Yes, we have to wait and practice patience. However, the benefits are great. While riding to our destination, Benton and Aine remarked on all the wonders of the train. They noticed people riding with us and landmarks that we passed. Benton and I discussed what emergencies would justify pressing the red call button. We counted stops, wondered if we should get off at other stops and surmised on how far we could walk comfortably if we did get off at those stops. Eamon was able to read, and I knit as we rode. It was fantastic, and only cost $3.50 - much less than fuel and parking!

The kiddos remembered that there are bronze sculptures along our walk to the center. Eamon and Aine thought they might be a temporary thing and were so delighted to discover the statues are permanent. I stopped with them for quite a long while as they played. At first I wanted to move us along as we were meeting a group of friends. Instead I remembered to relax and notice with them. I pulled out my knitting and looked around the area. Our city can be so beautiful this time of year even in its urban setting. We discovered little people without pants in the scorpion's pinchers. We remarked on the pill bug's mismatched shoes. Each of the kiddos tried to figure out what the round discs by the bug's toes were. We just really soaked up the moment without worry about schedules or commitments.

Their exploration continued when we arrived. We spent a lot of time watching demonstrations and talking to staff. Most of our time was spent in one area really testing out the displays. When most of our group went to the current pirate exhibit, we declined (part of my recommitment to a budget). Instead of worrying about missing something, we found other areas to explore. It was a great afternoon, and no one wanted to leave.

Testing out the bed of nails

Watching the ball move through her track

Spinning and spinning until you cannot stand

Leave we must, though, as the museum is not open all hours. Aine suggested we sit outside for a bit and eat the rest of our snacks. For a bit, I sat as they ran around. Their giggles and laughter carried me as I looked at the sky, our belongings and the area. They ran into me laughing as they played chase. Each climbed on a large rock to sit. As we walked back to the PhART station, we discovered some carvings atop a gate. Each of us stopped in our own way to check them out. We talked about Egyptian phrases, good weather, friends and food. As we neared home, we planned our next trip hoping for more adventure and noticing.

Holding Back

Earlier this week, the kiddos and I showed up at our weekly park date to someone commenting on our unschooling ways. One of my children wore no shoes, another monster slippers and the third a costume. I let them choose what they wear and most of the time run little interference. My kiddos have a lot of choices in their lives, and I like it that way. This is not always easy for me. I cringe sometimes when I see what my kiddos plan or what they want to wear. I take a deep breathe and then let it go.

This weekend Aine was invited to a birthday party for a friend. We talked a bit about a gift for her friend. Aine's eyes lit up as she claimed she knew exactly what she wanted to give her. She ran into her playroom and came back with a little dog and carrier. I hesitated a moment while my thoughts collected. I looked into Aine's gleaming eyes and said that would be a great gift. But as I said it I wondered if I shouldn't buy the child a gift at the store or give a gift card too. Was a handed down gift acceptable? Would the other family think us odd? Was my continual mantra of handmade, handed down or hand picked too much? Did it really matter what I thought?

Aine proceeded to gather the dog's accoutrements together. With a newspaper end roll at her side, she sat down on the kitchen floor and wrapped her gift. She could only find black electrical tape from her brother's bin, so she used it. A quick note was written with a birthday wish. She used notebook paper instead of the stacks of construction or craft paper. Again she knew she wanted the paper to have holes, so her friend could hang it.

As we walked into the skating rink for the party, Aine was so proud of her gift. She confidently carried it up to her friend wanting her to open it right away. Instead we set it on the table with the other pink, purple and glittery gift bags. At the close of the party, her friend opened her gifts. She opened the gift from Aine first after much urging from my little girl. It was a huge hit despite the wrapping and the lack of a store box. Aine knew her friend would love her gift, and she was right.

Building

I feel strongly about a lot of things. Some of these thoughts have remained consistent while others I have had to modify. As I get older and hopefully wiser, I see that some of my strong feelings may not be in harmony with my children and their strong opinions. One big area is guns. 

I never wanted to have toys which resembled guns in our home. I believed that if we didn't have them and promoted kindness to one another, my children would not seek them. I was completely wrong on this count! My children would pick up sticks, dinosaurs, fingers, pretty much anything to use as a gun. My oldest would make shooting noises while holding one of these "weapons." I still didn't want guns in our home. 

Gradually small guns started to enter our home. Well, truly they were light sabers or pistols in LEGO sets. There were also guns in the Playmobil sets. First I would remove them. Then I decided to just go with it. The gun love did not skyrocket. My children were still the same. In fact some of the fascination ended. I still balked at life size toy guns.

Recently I saw a photo on Pinterest that led me here.  I thought my kiddos would love them and the pacifist in me could handle shooting marshmallows by blowing through PVC. So we set out to our local hardware store to buy some PVC and connectors. The kiddos and I sketched out the plan. 

We gathered two elbows, one "t" and an end cap in addition to our PVC. We decided to cut our PVC as follows: 1 - 5", 2 - 4", 1 - 3" and 1 - 2.5". This seemed to make a marshmallow shooter which could be used by each of the children.

Working together in the driveway we cut and assembled four shooters.  One would be a gift for a friend's upcoming birthday. Bags of marshmallows were distributed and each of my children set off to shoot marshmallows. They created targets and taped them to the front door. They tried to shoot over small LEGO and Playmobil people. Quickly with the help of a friend, they discovered that if you lick the marshmallow it will stick to your target. Fortunately only one got stuck on the ceiling. They had tremendous fun with their "guns" and I think I may just be okay with it.

Hands Full

Recently people have commented that I have my hands full. It seems to occur most often when checking out at a retailer. I wonder what exactly they are implying. Typically my youngest is trying to climb out of the cart either over the top or through the back escape hatch. While this is occurring my older two children are either imploring that I purchase something displayed by the register or walking out the door unaware of my delayed departure. I don't see this as abnormal. I think I have very normal children and usually have things under control.

My children have needs and desires; they express them. We work on store protocol before leaving home or entering the establishment. With views limited to the cart, little buying power and impatience, my children may wander away from me, yell, climb out of the cart, grab things off shelves, ask the cashier a myriad of questions and look/act otherwise like children. I think this is normal behavior for small people. Perhaps it isn't or perhaps the expectations of society are not in line with the behavior of most people under the age of ten. I mean why would any retailer put small items right at child level at the checkout otherwise.

Leisure Reading

Safe Mom

This is why

we don't want or have plastic toys, sippy cups, plates, cups, etc.

http://www.oregontoxics.org/plastics1.html

Children are more vulnerable to toxic harm than adults because they are smaller, consume more air, food, and water for each pound of body weight than adults, and they put more things into their mouths.

Accordingly, children are more susceptible to damage from environmental threats because their bodies, brains, organs, and central nervous system are undergoing extensive growth and development throughout infancy and early childhood.

NEW RESEARCH on Children’s Exposure from Toxics in the Environmental

Exposure to toxics can cause irreparable damage to a child’s health and cognitive abilities. New research from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) warned that chemicals in the environment are implicated in asthma, acute bronchitis and upper-respiratory infections, cancer, mental retardation and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.

Scientific conclusions about what might be a “safe” threshold of exposure have been continuously revised downward. What ten years ago was considered a “safe” level of mercury for human consumption is now known to be a harmful level. Lead and asbestos, once commonly used and promoted as safe, have proven to be harmful at any level of exposure.

REDUCING TOXICS IN YOUR HOME SHOULD BE A GOAL.

Always on Guard

Some people wonder why I question so many things. They wonder why I make the decisions I do for our family and my kiddos. Well, it is hard to trust when every other day I am told of another area where our family can be harmed. No one else is looking out for our well-being (government, FDA, etc).

I have tried very hard to eliminate all plastics from our kitchen - no IKEA plasticware for the kiddos, glass storage, etc. The playroom has been analyzed and many toys given to new homes in an attempt to remain plastic free and use more natural toys (blocks, cloth dolls, playsilks, etc). The whole house is cleaned with vinegar and baking soda. We really try to make it a safe place.

Then, I read this: Pacifier Guide

I recently bought a pacifier for Baby B. I had been using my little finger when he needed some additional soothing and did not want to nurse. It seemed like perhaps a pacifier would be a better choice. So much for that thought. Even on my worst day, my finger will not cause him as much damage as what is packaged at my local Target...

Snuggling at the Park

I Succumbed

I really try to live without punishments/rewards with the kids. Most of the time, we are successful. This was until the screaming started. Well, truly it has been going on for awhile, but it has reached an impossible crescendo. I feel as if I am continually in a foxhole with the noise level in our home. With some prompting from EC, I decided yesterday to charge 25 cents for every time we yelled at one another or screamed for sport. It worked. We all were more careful about our tone, using our words and being more respectful. E even started self-reporting on his screaming. All was good until I realized E thought he would get more quarters not lose them. He told me at bedtime that he would get 40 million quarters. Hmmm...perhaps we have to rethink this.

E: $2.00
A: $1.75
H: $ .25

I did find it quite interesting to see what each person considered yelling/screaming.

Attachment Parenting International

I have been a leader for our local Attachemnt Parenting Support group for several years. I enjoy talking to others about parenting and gaining support from them as well.

Today API has several important and exciting announcements to share:

• API unveils its Parent Education Program
• API launches new worldwide attachment parenting forums
• API co-founders announce their new book about attachment parenting
• API announces series of monthly web events with noted AP authors and parents, kicks off series in May

The website can be accessed at www.attachmentparenting.org . The forums are found here http://www.attachmentparenting.org/forums/

You should take a moment to check it out.

Children and Praise

I am a fan of Alfie Kohn and his work. He has written several books which I have read. I agree with his article Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good-Job!" Recently the same topic was discussed on a blog I read as a result of an article in New York magazine. I have noticed that my son has recently begun saying, "good Job" to his siter or anyone else for that matter. It is a bit unnerving as he just says it by rote. We don't say it to him in this manner, so I am wondering where he picked it up.

Something to remember

IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE ALL OVER AGAIN

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I’d finger-paint more and point the finger less.

I’d do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

By Diane Loomans, from the book, Full Esteem Ahead, 100 Ways to Build Self Esteem in Children & Adults.